So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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