She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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