honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
