Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize