Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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