why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
