my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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