She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
