so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize