Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
