I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
