Can i not drive my cunt home
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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