my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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