Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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