just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
