Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
