her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
