Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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