Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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