im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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