I need help removing her.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
