New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
