Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
