Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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