I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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