it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
