I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
