even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
