can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
