My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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