Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dignity is for republicans.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
