Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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