You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
