good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I checked into jail on foursquare
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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