ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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