So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize
