Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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