Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
