my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
50% drunk capacity currently
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
