Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
