craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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