God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
