Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
