I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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