I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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