we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
