Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
