she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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