she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
