I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
