I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
