You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
