where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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