Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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