i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You can't just leave with hair like that
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
