I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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