I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
