I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
