i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
