I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
