i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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