So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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