i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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