moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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