we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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