You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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