Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
