I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize