i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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