Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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