Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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