shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize