He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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