Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
